The Paradox of Expectations


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“Work hard, you’ll succeed and be prosperous.” What if you do not?

“Study well, get straight A’s; you will land a great job and have a successful career.” What if you do not?

“Follow your passion and you will find success.” What if you do not?

These are ingrained expectations and notions that we grew up with and we continue to pass it along to our children. How sure are we of these? Did your life turn out the way you expected? Did these assumptions work to your expectations? Did you not hit a wall, feel around and find your own way? If not, you are a rare anomaly and I would like to hear your story.

The truth of the matter is that everyone seeks security, shuns insecurity. We all need a great paying job, a nice house to live in, a well fed family, kids in good schools preparing to live the secure life similar to what we wanted, if possible, better.

There are expectations and guarantees needed. If I do this, I need to be assured that. Not just assured, I deserve that! Anything that takes this plan off course causes pain, frustration and doubts. Where does the issue lie?

It lies in setting expectations and seeking guarantees. Is having an expectation wrong? Not at all. Aspirations are good for progress. Have them; imbibe them in your kids. But, leave the path to be traversed open to freedom. Show the path, don’t give guarantees. Show examples of doing what begets what but don’t make promises that you do not have control over.

Freedom to think, act and achieve should be left to the aspirant, the doer. Freedom is costly, comes with the promise of facing fear, risk and failure. But, it also provides the excitement of doing something phenomenal and reaching goals that are new, exciting and further lay the road for the next adventure. The excitement of the unknown, the tension of seeking it out is what living fully is all about.

Do not embrace of preach complacency, don’t draw boundaries with expectations based on performance. With expectations, come disappointments upon not meeting them and as a result, de-motivation. As a result, with the lack of further pursuit, you only fail once.

Leave it as open as the wild, wild, west with no promises of what’s out there. Just know that you’ll have the adventure of a lifetime and you might walk away with the treasure. Well, if it doesn’t happen the first time, you now have lessons learned to keep going forward and those lessons applied, pave a different path taking you on a new adventure, with newer rewards in sight. With a failure behind, there is nowhere to go but forward, for success beyond, eventually to seek out that success.

Seek freedom, pursue freedom, attain freedom for what its worth.

Image Courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Success – Where do you look for yours?


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Success is a two way street.

Not many realize that and keep running hard on the wheel of daily life, doing their job and hoping to succeed some day.

Let me tell you that by following this formula, you may make a living but, will not find the success that you aspire for, in your career or in your life.

Here’s a universally acknowledged way of making things happen.

  1. Have a vision of the life you aspire for,
  2. Chart your path of realization,
  3. Plan and Execute.

Voila! Your aspirations come true.

As simple as it may seem, much goes into this process in terms of breadth and depth to achieve results. Yet, what you find in terms of achievement may fall short of your expectations.

I would like to focus on point 3 above and share a widely visible but, often overlooked ingredient to making things happen.

As I said at the beginning, success is a two way street. Generally, everyone who is out to succeed is so wrapped up in their own definition of success that they are out to do it by themselves and, for themselves. This is a very hard way of finding any success and if found, very little.

True success finds you when you are out to help others succeed. Don’t focus on your success but on the success of others. Make it your mission to help others succeed; your friends, co-workers, associates, team members, partners and clients, in short everyone you interact with or come across. When you make it your agenda to help others succeed, your success happens without really pushing for it or consciously trying. The more people you help succeed, you will in turn be that much more successful. How positive than this can it get?

Change the way you comprehend your success. Your success is not proportional to the amount of effort you exert but to the effort you expend in helping others succeed. In fact, not even that, its proportional to the amount of success enjoyed by those that you have helped.

Turn around and measure your success with the success you have helped impart to others. Learn to find your success in that of others. Without even your realization, you start to accrue immense success for yourself through the multiplier effect. The best part, you did not have to strive for it. In fact, you would have spent time doing something very fulfilling and gratifying; helping others succeed. Result; you have developed a vastly successful community and your success puts you at the pinnacle of it.

So, who are you out to help succeed today?